I wanted an expert to give me hope

But she didn't.

I’d wanted to share all the reflections that are swirling in my heart around turning 50 and the birthday ripple that I’ve launched …but something else feels more honest.

I’m mad. And I’m sad. And disheartened. 

I wanted an expert that I waited months to see, to give me hope, to tell me that it was possible to thrive in my post-menopausal body again. 

But I went. And she didn’t. 

Not only did she not give me hope, but she doubted the efficacy of what I already have in place.

By the time I got home, all I wanted was to curl up on my comfy chair and cry…and feel the disappointment of it all. To keep telling the story of “my body is broken.” 

But instead, I got myself to the gym (in part because my daughter practically pushed me out the door). 

Because I know that the antidote to this decade-old imprint of self-doubt, is to allow my body to guide me. To trust it. To turn towards it.

30-minutes later, there was sweat..but there were also big sloppy tears. Sadness. Anger. Resentment. Regret. 

But here is the thing: Yes, I was proud of myself for showing up for my body, even though it would have been easy to skip a day. 

But more importantly, I’m proud of myself for allowing the emotion…because too often, I skip ahead to “lesson” instead of allowing myself to feel whatever wants to be felt. So I felt it all. Right in the middle of the cardio machines. 

Mixed into those salty tears was a moment of remembrance. A reminder of the soul whisper I’d written in my journal – just this morning. “It’s already inside me.” 

The beauty is…I know this. I’ve always known this. (except for when I forget.) It is what I believe I’m here to teach and share. That we…you, me…none of us…need an expert to give us hope. To tell us how to thrive. 

Because the truth of what I need…is already inside me. It’s inside you too. 

So…on this full moon and start to the week…my nudge is to consider: what if YOU were the expert on all things YOU?

And what if you believed that the antidote to whatever it is you are searching for…is already inside you? 

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And P.S…I’ve kicked off my annual birthday ripple…I’m actually quite delighted by it…and the possibility and abundance that it cultivates.

For the next 3 weeks, you can purchase a Thrive Journal for the ripple price of $36, and $10 of each sale will be donated to HER, a Baltimore/DC organization that serves vulnerable young women ages 18 to 25 to combat isolation, domestic violence, substance abuse, homelessness, and sexual exploitation.